Monday, June 18, 2012

Dazed & Confounded

So what's new other than being sucked up into another vortex of life? I warn you, before you go on - this is a bit of a philosophical/existentialist rant(like many of my other ramblings). There's enough things in this world to really throw you off balance just when you think you're figuring it all out. I sometimes really can't fathom whether to laugh at the absurdities of life or marvel at the irony of existence. On the one hand, I love this thing called 'life' because it offers you a perspective of the world that no one else can see. On the other, I hate the concept of it, because it's packed with affirmatives and negatives that are often juxtaposed together and gives you the feeling that life just doesn't fuckin' make sense. I mean, why? Why, for gosh sakes, are we really here? I mean, who cares? Say something happens to me or you, like right now. Other than the people to whom we really matter to, our existence is totally vacuous. Ok then you might say since there may be a few people who do care about your absence, it should make some sense. But then, they are gonna keep living on, maybe with you in their memory. So I feel like, why the hell should I be attached to things and people in this reality? But then, however objectively I look at life, the subjectivity of it all just screws up the knowledge and wisdom you've gathered. How much ever I feel like detachment is the way to go, there's something so strong that pulls you in the way of attachment. But then again, attachments don't matter eventually. So there, see I've put myself in this thinking-time loop. I think I get it and the next second, I don't get one bit of it. These days my cynicism seems to get the better of me. But something just keeps gnawing at your insides that I should be doing this or that. I feel good when I save a dog. Why? I jus' don't know. So despite all the negativity and chaos, I feel there's some purpose but can't put a finger to it. And that angers me, because there seems to be no focus. And you have to fight the good fight to live the life you want to. So I guess the only thing that gets me off is purging out these thoughts that get churned out by my thinking-time loop. And until I strike a balance and get off the chronos, you gotta put up with this existentialist crap. Have fun!

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