where does the strength for action comes to a human?? i feel this huge ball of frustration go up and down my throat whenever i think about the condition of the world around me..how hostile?? what all do i have to change here?? this ball seems to increase in size like the snow ball that rolls downhill and gets bigger in size...i feel like it is consuming me from within and what can i say about that??? i feel that i do not deserve to live while so many of my own are in so much pain....where do i collect the strength of mind from?? i used to think it came from the nature around me..but now i feel even the nature around me is as helpless as i am and does not any answers to anything....i see a lot of other humans trying their best...but for what??? maybe they got this ball too...sometimes i just have to ignore the presence of this ball...and swallow it in...but i hope it does not kill me from within..and take away my strength...to do things...what can i say about it??????????
the ball has no mercy and does not care what i do...it wakes me up in the middle of the night and then asks me what i am doing to end all the suffering...and then i ask myself...and whenever i have no answer...it gets bigger only to suffocate me from within...when will i reduce this to nothing ??? i have to do something about this...what am i supposed to do?? when every single person around me is as ignorant as me??? maybe they are ignoring their balls of energy too???