The Vacuum Cleaner: Believes kiss is the vacuum seal of love. As soon as an air-tight lip-lock is achieved, he sucks hard enough to collapse her lungs.
The Archeologist: Within a few nano seconds of initial contact, he digs the tongue deep enough to cause a gag reflex.
The Hairdresser: She habitually passes her hand through the guy’s hair messing up his expensive hair-do. Messing the hair is OK for guys, but not for just a kiss.
The Epicurean: Proceeds to the abomination of a kiss with remnants of her lunch firmly implanted between her teeth.
The Unsure: Typically a guy at the end of a date. Not willing to kiss on the cheek and not quite gathering the nerve to kiss on the lips, lands the kiss in the no man’s land between the cheek and the edge of the lips.
The Announcer: Announces the actions before doing them. “I am going to gently nibble on your lips now.” It might be exciting at the beginning but pretty soon it will feel like a scripted TV show and you would want to change the channel.
The Venus De Milo: Just like her phone calls, she likes to take her kisses handsfree. She lets her hands hang by her sides like wet towels. The guy would typically have to pin her to the wall to stop her from falling over.
The Drifters: Where lips keep sliding out of position and the couple having to realign themselves repeatedly. It may also be an indication that one of them is about to die of suffocation.
The Dental Dueler: With his firm conviction that harder you press better the kiss, he applies enough pressure for the lips to give way and teeth to clatter.
The Decibelle: As soon as, or even before, the lips met, the woman begins moaning heavily, making the guy wonder if he is standing on her foot. In such cases if the guy is hoping to score that night, he better find a place in the middle of nowhere."